I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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