No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
