i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
