i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
