Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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