I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
