if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
