I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
