I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
