Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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