John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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