fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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