Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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