there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
