I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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