I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
