is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
