woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
