just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
