i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
