South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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