I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
