I want to walk on stilts...naked
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
worst night to have a conscience
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
