Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
