What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
