just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
