I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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