True but thats because hes a fetus.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
