WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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