Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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