someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
