Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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