hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
