how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
