i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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