I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
