drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
