I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
