is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
