FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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