The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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