He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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