Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
