you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
