He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
