Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
