I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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