I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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