I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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