Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
