I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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