What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
